Can I just say, I hate Bing? I don't really know what it is, but it's infested a ton of my websites with hyperlinks that do nothing but pop up a big, obstructive "Bing" window. And it's not for links that are complicated...the site I was just reading Bing'ed Twitter. Dude, if I'm curious about Twitter I'll go to, y'know, TWITTER. Harrumph.
(My apologies if it turns out David is bankrolling Bing. But it's still annoying.)
...but I recognized a couple of familiar faces. Like this one:
I felt the need to move my braggy post off the front page, but I don't have any exciting news with which to replace it. Gordon and I are sitting here in a pool of prurient interest, waiting for Letterman to announce on his show that he was being extorted by someone who knew he was having affairs with staffers. (Merrill Markoe would no doubt be unsurprised.) I am disappointed in Letterman...and rather disappointed in myself for watching.
In the next week, two of my books will be on TV! Turns out this happens when you start editing nonfiction. First up, tune in to 48 HOURS MYSTERY this Saturday night at 10pm to see "Seven Days of Rage," a special about Boston's Craigslist Killer.
I seem not to have had much to say since the SYTYCD blogfest...but it's been a nice summer overall. Where've I been?
Well, first I was in Montana--my roommate Karen got married in Bozeman. It was a lovely wedding, and the scenery and the bride were both beautiful, as you can see:
This is post-lesson. She would prefer that I get lost so she can eat her dinner. She only keeps me around because I can unwrap her peppermints.
So here we are again, gentle readers, at the waning of the light. The sylphlike Cat offers up her bounty of terpsichorean treasures for a final time. Soon, even the echoing shrieks of Mary Murphy will fall silent in the concert hall, and we'll be left with nothing but a dim memory of a pompous English accent...until about six weeks from now, when this whole thing starts again. So let's have at it, shall we?
We open, not in our regular room but in a massive theatre (which doesn't appear to be the Kodak...it's very tall and has lots of boxes, but the stage is decked out American Idol or Oscars-style). Cat introduces our dancers, who come out to do their usual eight-count, but add a charming flourish as each one welcomes the next onstage. She turns to our panel of judges, which tonight includes Adam Shankman. I'm glad--he is one of the judges who really communicates his love of dance and his appreciation for all the dancers...and tonight he's awed to think of how many people have turned out to watch dance. You go, guys.
The first dance is a group number for all four, choreographed by Wade Robson. Yay! But to be honest, this isn't all that "Wade-ish"--it's two jocks hitting on two cheerleaders, who turn out to be more agressive than the jocks themselves. I will say that Kayla and Jeanine are excellent cheerleaders, and any squad would be lucky to have them. Brandon makes a convincing football player (as he has no neck), but Evan is more like the water boy. The dance is cute, but not spectacular. I assume Wade's saving the good stuff for later.
Oh turns out this is the Kodak. My bad. Who's next? Sonya will be doing a dance for Jeanine and Evan, in which J beats the crap out of him, apparently. Their costumes are bad 80s new wave, but the dance is amusing. Evan is clinging to Jeanine, who keeps tossing him aside, only to have him glom onto her again. It is the dance of the barnacles! The dancers get a little lost on the huge stage, though--the camera does its best to stay in close, but they seem small. Cat turns to the judges, beginning with Shankman. He calls the two of them "a bunch of nevers," and at first we are all perplexed, but then he goes on to explain that he "never" saw J or E coming, and now they're stars. Camera cuts to Evan's brothers, and man, the Other Brother (who's not Evan or Ryan) got the short end of the genetic stick, I fear. He must be the smart one. Mary thinks they both delivered, though Jeanine stood out for her a little bit more. Fair enough. Nigel acknowledges the size of the stage, and praises Jeanine while warning Evan to be strong all night. Brandon's solo is up next...
Hee! There's an ad for the Sidekick that's full of dancers doing hip-hop things and formations shaped like app icons. Kudos, ad programmer!
And we're back! I'm skipping the video interviews, because a) I have a lot of stuff to do tonight and b) who cares. Just get to the solo. Brandon is dancing to Dies Irae, which you may recall from that ill-conceived paso doble that Caitlin and Jason danced. Basically, Carmina Burana light. I have to say, Brandon looks good, but his solo is getting lost on the stage, and it's not as powerful as last week's, I think. This one's more flail-y. And his shorts are unattractive. But dang! He ends in that guy-split that gymnasts do, where they're not quite seated on the floor, but are sort of balanced on the edges of their feet. Boyfriend is strong, is what I'm saying. Adam thinks B brought it, and the solo was very "take no prisoners." He does say it felt a little frantic, but was still impressed. Mary has goosebumps and tells him he defies gravity. Mary has always loved Brandon, and I bet she's thrilled that he made it this far. Oh, and now she's tearing up. Or at least, she would be if she wasn't Botoxed into waxen submission. Nigel sets up a stupid fakeout which I'm ignoring...but he praises Brandon's solos both last week and this. (I'd like to note that the judges don't like the stupid shorts either.)
The next number is for Brandon and Kayla, by Tasty Oreo. That seems tough, to have Brandon do his solo and a dance back-to-back. But he doesn't seem to mind. They'll be doing "Bye Bye Life" from All That Jazz, but is making it more "showy." I fear this, because I think when Tyce does showy Broadway, it easily drifts into cheese. I'm confused...the singer is saying "Bye Bye Life," but the caption says "Bye Bye Love." And now the chorus appears to be that of "Bye Bye Love." Would this make sense if I knew ATJ? They start on a bed-like table in front of a spot straight into the audience. They're in silver and black sparkles, and I don't really understand the story here. But Whoa! Kayla just lifted her leg straight up into a split, and then Brandon spun her upside down over his arm, while she maintained the split the whole time. This dance feels like "Godspell" without the mimes. It's that kind of hippie movement. Oh, dear, Brandon seems to have had a heart attack. A crise de danse, as it were. But he died in service of the muse! Adam is beside himself and is just making gutteral grunts at first. He loves them both. Mary begins with "you guys are terrific..." at such volume that I've already muted her. We get the idea. NIgel has to show off by praising their synchronized "something pirouettes a la second," which makes me feel like Pee Wee Herman: "Merci blehbleh!" But he likes them too. Shocker.
Gleegleegleegleeglee!
Now it's Jeanine's solo, following her video clip through which I fast forwarded. Hmm...she's doing a solo tango, complete with rose clenched in her teeth. It's an interesting choice, but I don't think it showed her off to best advantage. But Travis Wall is standing up cheering for her! And so are the judges. OK, I'm watching again, because I'm confused about the ecstasy. OK, the showstopper appears to be a string of about ten pirouettes. Adam is howling for her because the solo was risky and the turns blew him away. He also praises her beauty and the emotion conveyed in her dance. Mary tells Jeanine she's peaking at exactly the right time, and credits her with elevating all of her partners (which is true...largely because she's been paired with some of the worst partners). Clearly she's a favorite of the cast and crew--everyone praises not only her dancing, but also her backstage demeanor. Nigel says he thinks she's in "the final two." Uh-oh, Kayla...Daddy has a new favorite. I actually think that kind of ranking is a bit tacky at this stage...it can't help but be hurtful to another dancer in a way that "you're the one to beat" isn't when there are eight dancers still there.
"Friend request? Accepted!" Heh.
We're halfway through, and it's time for some guy-on-guy action! Laurie Ann "Boom Kat" Gibson is choreographing for Brandon and Evan. The "story," such as it is, is that B and E are fighting for the number one spot. Not exactly a complicated metaphor, but hey, it is what it is. The two are dancing to Janet Jackson's "Nasty," which is fun. Which one of them is Miss Jackson, I wonder? I think Evan is getting heartily out-danced in the synchronized sections, though he's holding his own during the fake fistfight. Oh, and there's an homage to the dancing in...Beat It? The one with the gang members tied together. This makes me miss classic Janet. And Michael. Oh, Jackson family, you make me happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, Evan definitely lost this round. Let's see if the judges call him out on it. They do! Adam tells Evan "you got a little dusted" and the crowd boos, which hurts Adam's feelings. Buck up, little soldier. Basically, Adam did not believe that Evan was nasty. Fair enough. Mary asks, "Evan...what's the nastiest thing you've ever done?" Cat asks Evan's grandparents to cover their ears. Please, what's he gonna say? "I killed a hobo?" To his credit, he responds with, "That's a toughie...the list is so long." Mary agrees that Brandon was just a little bit tougher and sharper throughout. Nigel tells Evan that every single choreographer praises his work ethic to the skies...but Evan's "choochie face" is the furthest thing from nasty. He also says that Brandon out-danced him...which is true. Cat saves the day, saying "I don't care who's nasty or nice, you're both my two lovely boys." She's such a sweetie! I just want to hang out at Cat's house and watch bad TV while we eat popcorn.
OK, I sort of hate this Best Buy ad with the stoner chick who hates her phone...and her asking "Is time travel possible?" makes no sense. But I can't help but giggle whenever I hear the one guy stand up and shout, "Yes! I am from the future!" Damn you, Best Buy.
Mia is composing the next routine for Jeanine and Kayla. The dance will be a journey that travels across the stage, shedding "layers." I'm not clear on whether that means costume or baggage. They're dancing to something called "The Four Sections," which is an orchestral piece by Steve Reich with lots of fast, plinky sounds. The girls are in nude leotards with full, layered skirts...which they are, indeed, shedding bit by bit. The movement is very modern and strong, although I think they're a little out of synch. I love the move Jeanine does where she leaps and kicks her leg behind her utnil it touches her head. Oh, shoot--the last moment was a bit spoiled because Jeanine's final skirt panel didn't unsnap in time. But still, a very sophisticated and interesting dance. This is the first piece that really filled up the stage with its scope and energy. Shankman describes them as "two thoroughbreds racing," which is sort of apt, if a bit dehumanizing. Mary found it "a very relevant concept" and hints that this is Mia's Emmy bait this year. She also says these two are the strongest two women ever in the finale. Nigel recalls some past finale dances for the boys, and says that this dance will be remembered, and wishes the routine had been longer. The others make it a little pervy, but he shakes it off and tells Jeanine she has peaked at the right time. Cat cuts him off to throw to commercial, but I get the sense he would have praised Kayla as well. It didn't feel like a "Jeanine was better" comment.
It's time for Evan's solo now. Let me guess--it will involve cocked wrists, insouciant leaps, and his hands stuffed in his pockets at the end of the routine. He's wearing his telltale fedora and dancing to Buble singing "The Best is Yet to Come." Wow--he begins with some backflips that get incredible air. But his solo feels small and cheesy after that--sorry, buddy. He was working the character hard, but there simply wasn't enough dance in that dance. Adam recognizes the solo as a variation on his audition piece, and thinks it was a calculated risk. He's interested to see if that charms viewers all over again, or bores them. Mary thinks it's enough, and that Evan has brought hundreds of new dancers to the joys of Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire. Nigel tells Evan he has "the Ahhh Factor." But he doesn't think Evan has grown as much as Nigel would have liked to see, and that the solo wasn't as fresh or as strong as the others. The crowd is protesting, and Cat whips them up into a cheering frenzy. But much as it pains me, Nigel's right--it was well-executed, but the same old same old.
Now it's time for Evan and Kayla to dance a jive, choreographed by Tony and Melanie. Now, Evan's already done the jive (you may recall his inadequate retractions). Kayla is having trouble with the basic "lean" step (that seems to be pelvic thrusting of some sort), but I'm sure she'll get it. Oof, they're dancing to Travis Tritt, and Kayla is in a horrendous blue bra top and tutu (a la square dance) and cowboy boots. The costuming is so vile I can't look at the dance--I have to rewind. Evan opens with a huge leap so he can click his heels in the air, which is fun...but now all I can see is the tutu, dear god, the tutu! The basic story, per usual is Evan=horndog for whichever beautiful girl is his partner. Oh, and here are the pelvic thrusts. Nope, still don't get 'em. I think they started out great, nice and bouncy, but Evan seems to have tired during the dance. They end with Kayla straddling him on the floor (someone cover Grandma's eyes!). Adam praises Tony and Melanie, but thinks the difficulty wasn't there for a finale-level dance. (He gets another boo.) Mary says "don't diss country-western" and the proceedings get derailed, but Adam gets it back to praise his lifts and Kayla's musicality although he didn't find it exciting. Mary says the routine was phenomenal, but still doesn't think his kicks were there. They were just faking it, too safe, and lacking the power and speed. But Kayla stole the show, apparently. Nigel thought "they came out with guns blazing." I wonder if he's trying to prevent an Evan win due to backlash? Good lord, the crowd starts chanting, "Evan! Evan!" He goes on to praise Kayla's display of personality, and asks her where it's been all season (he's right--if she wasn't such a dishrag, her votes would have matched her skill).
Ooh, a paso doble is the next dance (after Kayla's solo)! I love me a paso doble, well-done. But first, Kayla's solo. She's dancing to the Eurythmics' "Sweet Dreams," and the solo looks like every other solo she's ever done. I don't know if it's good or not. It ain't no Brandon, that's for sure. I think Kayla is an excellent dancer, but she really can't choreograph for herself. Adam thinks the solo was "fine," but wants to talk about the season as a whole (because the solo was just OK) so that he can put Kayla among the ranks of Danny, Will and Travis as some of the best dancers the show has ever had. Mary tells Kayla that she's been touched by an angel and that she is simply gifted...and says she loved the solo. (Oh, you did not, it was the same old same old.) Nigel agrees that she has been excellent the whole show, and suggests that all the praise caused audience backlash or laziness. (No, Nigel, it's that she's a drip.) But yay, she's here now.
OK, now can I have my paso doble, please? It'll be Brandon and Jeanine, yay! Burn it up, y'all! Louis van Amstel is creating the dance for thenm. (Did he choose the crappy music for the last one? I'm worried. Also, did you know he's on the show this year because their usual Latin choreographer, Alex da Silva, is in the throes of a sexual harassment suit?) Hee! At the end of the rehearsal clip, Brandon and Jeanine are standing together as she purrs, "It's a paso...doble!" She flips her skirt on the word "paso" so that the camera lens is blocked, and when it clears again, Brandon has vanished! It was very cute, particularly because the moment Jeanine realizes the effect that just occurred, she shouts, "Wow, that was awesome!" Hee.
OK, dancing now. The music is "Tetsujin" from Matrix Revolutions, sort of a techno beat, and they're doing a kind of leather-ninja paso? I'd like Jeanine's movements to be a little bit more forceful to match Brandon's, but her lines are fierce, and the actual paso footwork was good. I could stand to see a littlte more connection between these two. Nice death spiral, though--and the ending pose is clever. He holds her by one arm until she collapses into a backbend, and then to the floor. Adam says that what makes them champions is the way they handle the dance's transitions--the power and emotion continued uninterrupted. Jeanine also did a mean "assisted jete into a slide." (I know many of you were thinking the same thing.) We cut to Mary, who opens with a scream. Interestingly, the acoustics in the Kodak Theatre make her slightly less piercing. She loves it, and praises other details (cf. merci blehbleh), and then does more screaming, which gets the crowd going. Jeez, Mary, we get it, enough. Nigel? Ugh, he screams too. Don't encourage her, dude. He also loves the pair of them, and praises their ability to live up to the theatricality of the piece. And now he's making gross implied jokes about "taking the woman and wanting to do things." I'm ignoring him. He says that B and J are "just edging" the other two dancers out.
And now we're done...it's just time for the flashbacks. I think this is Brandon's to lose, though I'll be perfectly happy if either he or Jeanine win. Evan doesn't deserve the win, frankly--his charm eclipses his ability, and he's stayed over better dancers already. And Kayla--I'm sorry, I just don't like her. I know, I know, she's a brilliant dancer, but she's just a dud. So go, Brandon and Jeanine!
Cat asks the judges to pick the winners...Adam refuses to call it, since he's praised them all. Cat then turns to Mary and says, "Ok, Mary, can you be more of a man than Adam?" Heh. Mary won't pick either, though. "Nigel? Time to man up, chap." Oh, Cat, I lurrrve you. Nigel praises everyone (and plugs Evan's brother next year), but says the winner is likely to be Brandon or Jeanine (suggesting that Kayla's lack of personality doomed her). Too bad you couldn't blend Evan and Kayla into a SuperDancer.
Will he be right? We'll just have to tune in tomorrow to find out!
Global warming has resulted in still more insane thunderstorms, and thus thwarted my Wednesday night ride...but it frees me up to blog for you! I can't believe we're down to six dancers...it seems like there were millions of them just a couple of weeks ago. As we open the night, Cat asks the judges for some thoughts (or in Lil C's case, to "pontificate on the preference of the population"--touche, Cat!). Mary takes the opportunity to lecture us a little on letting Janette go home last week, and Nigel suggests that the public is voting for beloved routines, regardless of the dancer. That's a bit patronizing, frankly.
Crazy Sonya is choreographing the guys' dance, which she describes as "Willy Wonka-esque." Let me guess, Evan's the Oompa Loompa? (I'll be here all week!) Sonya is eagerly waiting for the boys to "embrace their power." Hmm...based on the costumes, they're all Oompa Loompas by way of a rave...think argyle knickers with day-glo lightning bolts. It's interesting...all the weird angles are there, but you can really see that Evan is not quite as skilled as Brandon or Ade--his elbows aren't quite at ninety degrees, his lines aren't always quite finished, and of course his stature renders every move a little smaller than his fellow dancers'. I wonder if his fan base is rabid enough to keep him in over Ade? Aw, Brandon's mom is here! She's beautiful. To the judges! Lil C praises Brandon's dedication and says he loves it. (What happened to being "unimpressed," you jerk? You were so full of crap at auditions.) Ade gets a pat on the back as well, and Evan gets props for "staying visible." Er, faint praise. Mary starts at about a 3/4-shriek, but settles into some very sensible (and sensibly-volumed) criticism about their skillful synchronization. Nigel thinks Evan rose to the occasion, and that Sonya's work was inspirational. He claims that they are dancing to a standard that the show could not have achieved last year. (That is bullshit, frankly. Katee, Kherington, and Joshua could all have danced circles around most of this year's cast.) But still, well done, boys.
Next up? Jeanine draws Ade, and they're both happy about it. They're dancing a samba, which should be smoking hot with these two. Jeanine describes the routine as "suggestive--but still classy." But she doesn't seem quite convinced herself. Wow, she's dressed like a chicken. A purple rooster, really--she's in the typical scanty leotard, but this has a train of ruffles on the butt. Ade is in a purple shirt and black zootish suit. Jeanine is selling it hard--every expression is flirtatious and sexy. This isn't quite a traditional samba--there's more side-by-side and maybe less hip action, but they did throw in a (so-so) samba roll for Nigel. Heh--Jeanine is molting. I can see feathers all over the floor. You know, overall, I think this was OK, but not fabulous. We've had more scorching routines. Wow, Mary agrees! She loves the beginning, but says the actual samba fell apart. Ouch, she calls it "novice." She gives lots of cogent critique which I can't replicate here. Lil C begins by telling Jeanine she looks amazing. She does, but to be honest, it's a little offensive that he begins with her looks. C also was a little disappointed--he thought the pairing would be amazing, but it wasn't. Nigel agrees that Ade was too light on his toes and didn't have enough grounding, but Jeanine looked great and moved with confidence. I am impressed that the judges aren't just lavishing praise on the couple...I wonder if they feel they need to save it for Kayla, whom the audience never particularly likes.
Oh, and speaking of which, here comes Kayla with her solo. Ugh, she's dancing to the Fray. Forget it, Kayla, I'm not recapping this. It all looks the same anyway. (They haven't cleared away Jeanine's feathers yet. Wouldn't it be awful if Kayla slipped on one? They should have little dancer elves, like the little kids at ice skating competitions who scoop up all the flowers and stuffed animals.)
Our next couple is Melissa and Evan. They, fortunately, are mostly the same height...but Melissa says she's wearing heels, which might put her up. They'll be doing a Tyce Broadway piece to "Get Me to the Church on Time." We're in Evan's wheelhouse here, which he acknowledges--but unfortunately, this isn't such a crowd-pleasing style in this context. Oh, ick. Melissa's basically in lingerie (with a little satin skirt for modesty over her lace teddy) and Evan's in a tuxedo shirt and boxers. They're an engaged couple late for their own wedding. I could have done with some more clothes on both of them, Melissa especially. She looks like a hooker. Wow, you can really tell this is Evan's style, though--he's acting the piece charmingly, where Melissa looks kind of fake. She's overselling it (and her legs still say "ballet" rather than "Broadway"). All in all, it had a lot of energy, and I guess was well done, but it felt very unbalanced--I like Melissa, but she failed to hold my attention. Lil C disagrees with me, though; he expected Evan to take the helm, and doesn't feel he did. Then he says they get As, but not A+s. Mary starts really low in a way that makes me reach for the mute button, but then she simply says, "Get me to the church on time? Get me to the finale on time!" Er, which means nothing, but thanks anyway, Mary. She loves them both, especially Melissa. But no scream, and no HTT. Nigel praises Melissa's ability to adapt to every style she's given (unlike many of the ballerinas auditioning for season 6), and tells Evan that he brought the force of his personality to great effect.
Right away we're into Ade's solo. Leap, spin, leap, twist. And did I mention shirtless? Well, open shirt, anyway. But he ends with a stupid little hop and the "white man's overbite." Which is ironic, really.
Our final couple of the first round! This show flies by when there are so few dancers. Obviously, it's Kayla and Brandon (or the Crown Prince and Princess of Nigel-ville). Whoa, in the interviews, Kayla is filmed at such an angle that her uneven eyes are really noticeable. She looks like she's been photoshopped. Girlfriend is wonky, sorry. Stacey Tookey (who? oh, she's from SYTYCD Canada) will be choreographing them in a contemporary piece about a mistress looking for the strength to leave her married lover. Kayla's clad in a red sheer babydoll nightie, as befits a Jezebel, and she wastes no time in removing Brandon's shirt. (And who can blame her?) Wow, those are some long and pointy legs, I'll give her that. This is one of those routines that they've lit in a follow spot, which I don't really like, because the shadows mean you can't see the dancers' expressions. Also, I hate this music, which is a sort of atonal rhythm with a woman chanting "I wanna stay" a lot. Wait, it's over? Eesh, that was dull. Lots of dramatic flailing, but I didn't get the emotion. Maybe because I was typing? Nope, watched it again, still not happening. I think because the two of them almost never looked each other in the eye during the routine--they were always facing away from each other. (Also because I suspect they're both pretty stupid.) It obviously took a lot of strength, but I didn't feel it. However, Lil C says it was "really really really intense" and "beyond amazing." No, it wasn't. But C thinks this is a terrific pairing. Mary assures Brandon that he is not only on the HTT, but he's in first class. She found the dancing exquisite, and praises his control (which is fair--he was beautifully controlled). Nigel loves it, but actually notices that their chemistry was not quite there (but blames it on the newness of their partnership.)
Melissa launches into her solo, and wins points for dancing to Nina Simone's "Put a Spell on You." This is the best choice she's ever made for her solo, but she could have had more footwork--it ended a bit abruptly, but it finally had some musicality, at least.
NappyTabs is our next choreographer, working with Jeanine and Ade on a lyrical hip hop. This one's about friends who are getting evicted from their apartment, so they're moving out and will be using cardboard boxes as props. Jeanine is falling all over the place in rehearsal. She's actually pretty funny about it in her interview, actually. The two of them look great, though, nice and hood-ratted out. I think Jeanine actual works it harder than Ade here! Their Tutting is just mediocre, though. (Yes, I know what Tutting is! I watched America's Best Dance Crew.) Then there's an awkward section where they're shuffling around in cardboard boxes. I think the choreography let them down a bit. It didn't really come alive for me in the way the best hip hoppers can. Twitch or Joshua would have eaten this routine alive last year--that said, there are no hip hoppers left in this year's show, so I suppose this is what we get. C begins by saying "You danced that way better than I thought you would." Er, thanks? But he likes Ade's funky groove, and Jeanine follwed him down there. Aw, Mary starts by praising Jeanine for her samba, because she got wrapped up in her critique of Ade and forgot to talk about Jeanine last time. I appreciate that, Mary. Nigel makes a stupid joke, because it always has to be about him--just ignore him and he'll go away. But back to the dance at hand. Mary turns to the crowd and says, "I mean, how many of us have gotten an eviction notice? It's awful to go through that." Er, Mary, are you trying to tell us that you've actually been evicted from some place? No, you haven't. Ballroom dancers don't get evicted. You are not "street." The whole thing was in service of a stupid "you won't be evicted tonight!" line, but Mary praises Ade for lowering his stance and grounding his movement. Nigel also loves the groove, and then he makes some stupid confusing remark about whether we were applauding the routine (no we weren't, it was lame) or the dancers. He loves them, and then starts praising the show again. And then takes us on another round of "How Ade Got His Groove Back." Shut up, Nigel.
With our usual lack of fanfare, we launch into our next solo--Brandon. Whoa! He's practically naked, wearing only those little booty shorts the contemporary folks wear. He's dancing to "O Fortuna" from Carmina Burana, and that music has really gotten a workout this season! However, Brandon's the one who can carry it off. He's like a Da Vinci drawing--you can count every muscle. He's also the best choreographer of the bunch--his lines are astounding, and his moves are like ancient Greek Olympians. If Alvin Ailey Company doesn't scoop this kid up, they're missing out. Oof, while he's standing with Cat, you can see a string of bruises on his rib cage (is Kayla beating him up behind the scenes?). The judges have given him a standing ovation, and Nigel says it's the best solo they've yet seen. Nigel annoys me, but I think here he's right.
When we return, Melissa and Evan will be dancing a quickstep. Oh, this is the dancer-killer. And Evan doesn't have the lines for it, I think. I'm sure they'll do fine, but this should suppress Evan's fan base a bit. But he does look great! So does she--they're in these...40s-style? black and white outfits that make you think of fabulous old movies. Melissa is actually selling the facial expressions much more naturally here, and her Charleston steps are cute. Evan's fading into the background a bit, honestly. But he does a great spin where he's whirling her around by one arm and one leg (like skaters do). Good job, you two! Lil C commends Evan for "dancing bigger than he's ever danced." But wow, he harkens back all the way to week 2 and reminds Evan that he was warned about his retractions during the jive, and he failed to take heed now. Melissa "did fabulous." Maybe next year the show will be the first to teach Lil C adverbs. Mary liked the beginning, but felt it began to collapse and lose its strength. She praises the lift, but says it wasn't quickstep. I don't think that's fair, because it's the choreography, not the dancers, and they did it well. Nigel ribs Melissa for playing the "old lady" card when she's only 29 (but looks 35), but agrees with Mary that the middle lost energy. He tells them that the country is now thinking "Goodness me, who are we going to vote for" when they were previously some of the favorites. Well, Nigel, by dint of still being here, all the dancers are among the favorites, you ninny. And certainly, Melissa's been on the bubble for a couple of weeks. But I really think tonight's selections were designed to ensure that Evan goes home (and probably Melissa as well).
It's time for Jeanine's solo, and the crowd is already shrieking over Cat's intro. Yay, no babydoll dress! She's in a cute little halter vest. I don't think this is a terrific solo, though--lots of strutting and posing, not so much dancing. But her boobs are still in her vest, which is a triumph in itself.
And Evan is up next with his solo, which opens with a massive set of flips across the stage and then goes into classic Evan with "The Lady is a Tramp." Lots of spins, that hop-over-his-own-leg thing he does, and general charm. Frankly, if he'd put that energy into his quickstep, he might have gotten more praise.
Last up (in the pimp spot) are Kayla and Brandon, dancing a Doriana Sanchez disco. Oh, no. These usually suck. Ade brought it with a fierceness earlier this season, but I'm not sure these two have the facial energy to sell it. (My bad--Brandon already did disco this season! Guess he was OK.) They're terrific dancers, but they always seem serious. Ooh, sparkly! Lots of silver sequins. Brandon is bringing it, including a move where he spanks Kayla as they shimmy across the floor, but wow, it's like a Village People concert. I think I've wandered onto a Carnival cruise. The audience is dead--they cheer obligingly for the lifts, but not much. I suspect the judges will overpraise this, but frankly, a lot of it looked labored. (But then, I don't really like Kayla, which may be influencing me a bit.) Cat tries to interview them by asking, "Are you alive?" Kayla gasps out that she can't breathe, and Cat chastises Doriana for torturing the dancers. Lil C begins by babbling about challenge and darkness and "seeing the music with your ears." Um, he saw no darkness in the routine, which I think is good? Oh, Lil C, shut up. I'm moving on. Mary says it was a home run, praises one of their lifts and enjoyed Kayla's groove. She's shrieking at Brandon about being a hot tamale, and that's quite enough of that for one night. Nigel starts out with his usual pompous bull about giving a fully professional critique, but it's all a set-up so that he can jump around and shriek like Mary. And he will be given the same mute-button treatment, but suffice it to say he liked them, too.
We still have 15 minutes left, but we only have one dance left--the girls' group number. Crazy Sonya did this one, too--this one's about superheroes. (So, the Powerpuff Girls?) Ooh, I'm right! Partly--Melissa is Buttercup of the aforementioned Powerpuff Girls, but Kayla is Storm from X-Men, and Jeanine is Wonder Woman. I don't care for this mixture of superhero genres--apparently I am a purist. They all have fun capes that say Pow! Boom! and the like, and they're in superheroine bustiers and gaiters. The superhero movement seems mostly manifested in a lot of hands-on-hip posing and fist-clenching, but otherwise this is really not as interesting or complex as the guys' routine. Is it because they're all tiny and can't lift each other? They have a cute ending pose, though, with Kayla in the middle, bent over, fist out toward the audience like she's Superman, while the other two flank her with roundhouse kicks.
Cat asks the judges what they think, but this sets off Lil C on about 5 minutes of gibbering that was incoherent, but seems to convey that the girls weren't quite buck. Basically, they were all nice, but nobody shone. Which is true, but does not take ten minutes to say. No wonder we got to this part with fifteen minutes to go. Mary contents herself with "Amazing is amazing, what else is there?" She loved it. Great, whatever. No one votes because of these dances anyway. Nigel has another joke that he clearly thought of earlier that day and is dying to deliver. I refuse to indulge him. But he loved them all. Go, girls.
So who'll be left? I think Melissa and Evan will be going home tomorrow. The deck was stacked hard against Evan, and I think Melissa's going to go down with him. It'll be interesting to see if Kayla winds up in the bottom 2 (or whatever they do--I don't know how they'll winnow it down at this point), given that she's had trouble connecting with the audience all season. Tune in tomorrow to find out!
Sorry I missed last night--I was out having an anniversary dinner with Gordon. Thanks to everyone who sent us kind wishes and fond memories of our wedding two years ago!
So, Tivo saves the day once again, and here we go! I have to say, I think the dancers, especially the women, are phoning in their "meet the dancers" solos. Kayla barely does anything, Janette takes like three salsa steps. Jeanine is still trying, but overall, it's lackluster.
Cat looks like a robot from the future in her shiny gown and sleek ponytail. I would embrace the future if we all wound up looking like her. (Er, until it's revealed that they just weeded out all the little stubbies like me.) Four dances for everyone this week--two in pairs, one group and one solo, and tonight Cat explains that the dancers themselves wrote their names on the cards, hence the cheesy look. (I still think the show could spring for some laser printing.) And tonight we have an extra judge in Ellen DeGeneres, sporting a butch and fetching haircut. She's sort of a mini-Mia. This judge chat is going on forever, because we're at that awkward stage where we still fill two hours, but only have about forty minutes of dance to show. Enough of this nonsense.
Travis choreographs the group dance, which he describes as a rave in the future. The rehearsal makes it look like the Zion bacchanal in Matrix 2. Oh, and the space robots have returned--everyone's in neon Geordie-from-Star-Trek glasses and weird stiff skirts for the girls. Gotta say, I like Travis, but this dance is boring. Apparently everyone is getting a solo in their own style, but I haven't noticed--it's possible I missed it out of boredom. Sorry, Travis.
Ellen is mildly amusing, but I see no point in polling the judges for a group dance. They loved it. And everyone is proud of Travis, as though this show taught him dance from the very first plie, as opposed to simply having found a talented dancer who was already well-known in his field. Shut up, show.
Back from commercial, Cat is whetting our appetites for tomorrow's Katie Holmes appearance and the best-of dances from past seasons. That actually looks good! The jury's out on Katie, but she'll fit the tights, at least.
Evan and Janette are opening the show with a jazz routine from Sonya. Heightwise, they're a good match, but neither of them are known for the funky movement she likes. This is a dance about trying to get each other to shut up--lots of hands over mouths. Janette is clad in a Gaultier-type leotard, and Evan's in a black tank...er, to be honest, they're reminiscent of a middle-aged couple trying to spice up their sex lives with some light bondage. Ick. The dance is OK, but neither of them is quite as crisp as I'd like. There are spots where their synchronization falls apart, and overall, I think Evan is too soft. There's not enough tension in his poses to accent the angularity of the dance. That said, he is obviously a powerhouse--there are a ton of lifts in this dance, and he is excellent at picking up Janette and holding her still or stopping her forward momentum in the air. She was fine, I guess, but not super compelling. Not a great one for these two, I think. What do the judges think? Apparently they think I'm an idiot. Nigel tells Evan that he's finally bringing the power Nigel has been asking for. Ellen makes a joke (I can't recap her stuff, it won't be funny). Mary at least sees what I meant--she would have liked him to be rougher, although she still says he did better than she'd anticipated. Then there's more idiocy from Nigel, which Mary encourages. Mia apparently wants to eat Evan, but she does acknowledge that Sonya's choreography requires someone "dark and twisted," which he is not. She tells Janette that J's her favorite of the season. Nice job, J! You'll probably get work after this.
Kayla's solo is next, and I like the funky song she uses--"The Moment I Said It" by Imogen Heap. They use her on this show all the time...Josh, should I get her record? Kayla's doing a lot of leap-reach-spin, in a sparkly black nightie. (I want a sparkly black nightie!) It looks like everything contemporary...I assume it's fine.
Brandon draws Jeanine as his partner, and the two of them will be doing a waltz. Rehearsal looks a hot mess, with Brandon dropping Jeanine all over the place--Brandon, your neck is thicker than your head. Don't tell me you're not strong enough to lift that girl. Neither of them understands ballroom vocabulary, and Brandon apparently chooses to go to his happy place rather than pay attention. I suspect that Brandon may be a natural dancer, but not so bright. The dance opens with Jeanine in a flowing yellow gown, held aloft by Brandon on basically one arm. He has trouble lowering her down (gets caught on her skirt, maybe?), but they get it together. I will say that these two convey emotion very well, especially Jeanine. Wow, Brandon just looks like he's walking--very little rise and fall that I can see--but Jeanine is nice and swirly. Wait...that's it? Man, they barely worked in close hold at all! I didn't love that choreography. Nigel says it was extremely difficult, though, and he hated the music (which was Enya-style). He thought the music was so slow that it was too difficult for them to maintain power through the routine. Ellen makes a Twyla Tharp joke. And she liked them. Mary agrees with Nigel--the pace of the waltz required more control than these two were able to deliver, but they got a "respectable" from her...and no scream. Mia calls Brandon out on his admitted daydreaming in rehearsal, and was disappointed in the lines and lengthenings...she was able to see the places where they got stuck. She wanted more, because Brandon and Jeanine are "the tops." Wait a minute, Mia, didn't you just say Janette was your fave? I call shenanigans!
Jason's solo is next, and he's doing some sort of leaping back and forth that reminds me of seagulls. It just does.
Next up? It's Ade and Melissa! They'll be doing a cha cha with Tony and Melanie. They are fierce choreographers, so if these two can get it together it should be hot. Melissa's interviews always have a slightly smarmy quality, as though she's at a neighborhood cocktail party and is trying to charm everyone. Don't know what that's about. OK, they take the stage and Melissa is in like three scraps of sequined material and Ade's in a fringed black shirt. The pick is not in evidence. The steps all look right, but a little too...dainty? It lacks the steamy power of a great ballroom cha cha--I think Melissa's training en pointe is messing her up a bit. Nigel drools on Melissa a bit, but warns her not to make sexyface, because it's too OTT. Props to Ade for his manly stature. Ellen? Says something that is not funny, so I will not repeat it here. Mary had some issues with technique, and tells Ade his bum was perched too high because his weight wasn't grounded. Melissa's feet were also troubled--sometimes turned too far out, sometimes too far in. Overall, Mary was a little underwhelmed. Mia says it was Ade's worst performance. She, too, sensed the lack of dirty commitment on his part. She graciously gives Melissa props for departing so far from the required ballet carriage.
Our soloist is Janette, in an unattractive tutu-thing that looks like Scarlett O'hara's curtains, dancing to Celine Dion and falling to her knees whenever the lyric says "I fall down on my knees." Lame, Janette. Don't do contemporary when you're a salsa dancer. Do salsa! Your contemporary choreography is weak, chica.
GLEE!
Our last couple is, by process of elimination, Jason and Kayla. They'll be doing a Tyce Broadway piece. I assume it will suck. It's about a guy and a temptress, which seems inappropriate with two such baby-faced dancers. C'mon, Tyce, her grampa is watching! There's a funny moment in rehearsal when she accidentally clocks Jason in the face. She gets a pretty gold dress, at least! They're dancing to "Mr. Monotony" from "Jerome Robbins Broadway." David, is that what you and Julian came to NYC to see? I'm not entirely getting this dance, because there doesn't seem to be a ton of connection between the partners. They're good individually, but I'm not feeling a relationship. The crowd is already screaming, however, so apparently disagrees with me. OK, the music has picked up, which helps, and Jason does a fun move where he's lying on the floor and then bounces up a couple of times like a quarter on a mattress. Eh. I didn't really get it, but I assume the judges will love it. Nigel says that Jason's feet were terrific and reminded him of Gene Kelly in spots (Evan must be fuming). Kayla gets a tongue-bath, as usual. Ellen's eye makeup was bad...she's looking kind of zombie-ish, because she's got on too much eyeliner against her light blue eyes. Perhaps that was what led her to make the same stupid "nailed" pun for two different dancers. Mary lurrrves it. I assume there will be screaming, so I'm going to mute the rest. Mia loved the piece, felt the execution was very good, but calls Jason out on a slight shoulder hunch he has. She loves Kayla though, and thinks she would take Broadway by storm. Dude, Kayla keeps winding up in the bottom 3! People don't want to watch her! They won't pick up the phone to vote for her, you think they're going to pay $100 a ticket? Feh.
Next solo up: Ade! He's dancing to some weird but cool music. Techno? Electronica? Maybe David can tell us. I like his solo...it's a little bit of locking, a little bit of gymnastics, and Ade's big grin throughout.
We're at the hour mark, which means it'll be time to start over again with our couples. So what are Janette and Evan doing now? Oh my, it's a rumba. Think Evan has learned smoldering since his last abortive ballroom dance? At least he has spicy Janette as a partner instead of wholesome Randi this time. Janette promises to elicit Evan's "inner Latino stallion." America, you have been warned. Oh, and in a slightly cheesy move, they're dancing to Kris Allen (recent Idol winner)'s cover of Kanye's "Heartless." Now, I loved that rendition on Idol, but I have trouble imagining a rumba to it. But dang, Evan opens with a little hip shimmy and he's working a kind of Nathan Fillion thing. It's very slow, but this seems to have the control the judges were talking about earlier. Whoa--they just did a move where Janette kicks back her foot, grabs it behind her, and then Evan sort of oozes through the hole she's created with her body. They end with some more teasing, and Evan collapses on the floor. This was the best dance of the night. Nigel compliments the choreography, but says that it's an exceptionally hard style to win votes with, because of its slowness. He adores Janette, but he tells Evan there was no passion in his face--I object! Nigel didn't feel it. He's high. Sorry. Ellen loves Evan's face and finds him charismatic. Mary says "really good job," but it sounds a little patronizing. I'm waiting for the "but," but it never comes. Janette gets another "hot tamale." Mia agrees with Ellen and says "not everyone has to be perfect--we are all perfect the way God has made us." She celebrates and loves Evan. Um, OK, Mia...lay off the weed before filming. She does acknowledge that he was sexy, but slightly Zoolander. And she still loves Janette. I like that all the women are like, "Shut up, Nigel, Evan is, too, sexy."
Melissa is our next soloist, and she's leaping and plie-ing like she's in a Sonya dance. (Has the shredded leotard to prove it, too.) I don't think she's a very good choreographer...her solos never display what's special or impressive about her, and especially tonight when she does more contemporary style, I don't think it serves her well.
Next up, Jeanine and Brandon do pop jazz with Laurie Ann Gibson, of "Making the Band" fame. Squee! It's BoomKat! Laurie Ann tells them "no thinking allowed," which should suit Brandon fine. I think she makes Jeanine cry. And we have another cheesy Idol plug, as they're dancing to the Jordin Sparks song, "Battlefield." (OK--I actually kind of like this song, but I'm annoyed that it shows no recognition of its foremother, Pat Benatar's "Love is a Battlefield.") The pair is dressed in olive drab and shredded camo...it's as original as you might imagine. I think their sync is a little off, and the choreo is a bit literal for my taste. There's not enough connection between them--I don't understand if they're comrades in arms, lovers, or what. And Jeanine just gave us finger guns. It's no "No Air" (YouTube it...Joshua and Katee from last season.) Nigel loves it and says "That's all I'm asking." He was apparently bored out of his mind all night, and totally dumps on the rest of the crew by saying "Everyone's been saying how great everyone is, but this is the flattest night I've ever had on SYTYCD, until now!" Screw you, Nigel. It was good, it wasn't amazing. Ellen is ready to enlist in their armed forces. Nigel is now prompting Mary for the HTT, but she ignores him to begin the yelping...oops, here it comes. I'm fast forwarding. Mia, save us. Aw, Mia's kiss-up to the choreographer made Laurie Ann cry, and calls her a sister. Mia praises the dancers for "going inside" the dance and calls Brandon a powerhouse. (It's true--upon closer inspection, Brandon was better than Jeanine and more powerful here.) I think they were too easy on this one.
Evan's solo is up, and he's doing his usual Gene Kelly fedora thing, skillful and charming, but familiar by now. I don't know if this is exactly his audition piece, or if everything he does just looks the same. But he's cute.
After the break, we get Jeanine's solo, to that "Let the Drummer Kick" song that I like. She's doing contemporary, in a tiny sequined stripper vest. I don't think she really got rolling in her solo--it seems to have ended abruptly. I suspect she's one of those dancers that trained dancers appreciate, but who isn't flashy enough for the likes of me.
Melissa and Ade are back to dance a Tasty Oreo contemporary, about a woman with breast cancer. Oh, god, this sounds like it will be maudlin and inappropriate. They have Melissa's hair hidden by a scarf, which is weirdly reminiscent of Mia last season. Ade is the grieving partner, lifting and carrying Melissa a lot while she spasms in pain and sorrow. OK, I'm loath to admit it, but they're very moving. I am sniffly. Tyce is just shockingly better at contemporary than at Broadway...the audience is weeping, as is Melissa. Nigel is also choked up, and near crying himself. But he tells Tyce the dance is Emmy-worthy, and thinks it's one of the most memorable routines he's seen on the show. His "emotion voice" is drifting into Quentin Crisp territory, oddly for someone with such gay panic. But overall, he adored them. Oy, Tyce is still weeping. Ellen is not crying...but is also tasteful enough not to make a joke here, but merely says that she felt privileged to see it. Mary has cried tracks in her makeup, and loves both the subject matter and the quality of the dance. She praises Ade's strength, and Melissa's commitment to the leaps, trusting that Ade would catch her. Mia, of course, is a mess, because I believe it was breast cancer she's been through. Now all the little girls in the front row are crying. To be honest, the subject matter here is a bit unfair, in the way that Mia's dance about her dying father was unfair last year--in fact, she mentions that piece now--it's un-critiqueable. Happily, I do think it was beautifully danced and the emotion was eloquently conveyed. And now I need a tissue.
Pity the poor saps who follow these two!
Brandon is doing his solo, and presumably cursing the fates that mean he has to bring the energy in the room back up. He's helping it along by dancing shirtless, though. Ooh, he's dancing to that music they used for the Discovery Channel commercial! Er, something called "Ain't Nothin Wrong with That" by Robert Randolph & the Family Band. I do think this is probably the best solo of the night--relates to the music, looks great, and puts a lot into its 30 seconds. Good job, Brandon.
Our last couple of the night is Kayla and Jason, doing a Shane Sparks hip hop. They are made up like zombies, though, so at first I assumed it was a Wade Robson routine. He loves him some zombie makeup. Oh! They are zombies! Jason transforms Kayla into his zombie mistress. Kayla's schoolgirl styling means that she wil be some kind of harajuku zombie. It's fun--the motion has funk, but is still zombie-ish...but after the last one, it lacks gravitas. I think the audience is a little spent. Nigel calls it "Michael Jackson inspired," which feels a bit on the nose, and he welcomes Shane Sparks back. He also worries about what Kayla's grandparents think about her new role as zombie mistress. But he liked it. Ellen promises them that if they keep dancing like that, they'll have a talk show one day. (This is only funny if you watch Ellen's show.) Mary loved them, and begins screaming, so we'll move on. Mia has composed herself and compliments the ending pose, in which Jason lifts Kayla up by the throat. But she gets cut off by Cat (gracefully, as befits a future space robot). And we're out!
Last night I had a dream that I was fighting a woman, wrestling and clawing at her...and somehow she was part dinosaur? Yeah, I didn't understand it either. But at one point, she'd gotten her talons (that was the dinosaur part) around my throat, and I could only reach her with my teeth. I bit down on her hand/paw as hard as I could...and then I woke up and realized I was biting my own finger.
It might be time for a vacation.
Hooray! I'm home from D.C. and can now watch my beloved SYTYCD. I managed to escape from RWA spoiler-free, which was tough, as it turns out there's quite a bit of crossover between "romance writers" and "SYTYCD fans." I hope you all cheered on your faves this week anyway...because it's ditch-the-partners time!
We open with an all-girl Bollywood number which I found very charming--at least, what I could see of it when the cameraman wasn't spazzing out. I hate when they do all these stupid angle cuts so that you're seeing the side of one person in the back row, but not the dancers currently soloing in the front. Plus, it was clear that a lot of Nakul's choreography was very mindful of how the group would look as a whole, and you can't see that from some of these angles. But the dance was fun and charming, and I always envy the women who get to wear those fun, floaty costumes. (I also envy them their washboard abs.)
First couple out of the blocks is Kayla and...Evan. Ruh-roh. Perhaps she can carry him around on her shoulders? Plus, they get the waltz, and "long lines" are not Evan's specialty. That said, they fudge the shoe issue a bit so that the two aren't so uneven, and the dance is pretty. You watch Kayla the whole time, especially during some very dramatic leg extensions, but Evan has a nice showcase moment where he basically lifts Kayla over her head and holds her there while she does a split, then sets her down like it was nothing. He is a pocket Hercules! Nigel has a shocking amount of valid criticism about the waltz's lack of close hold work, and doesn't seem the need to end in his usual puddle of drool over Pretty Blonde Dancer. Mary is upset about Evan's turns, and says sensible things that I don't understand about pain and power. Wow, she's really going on...knees, heels, etc...but the video bears her out. And she gives him his props for the impressive lifts, and his classy demeanor. Debbie Allen tells Evan, "You handled your big woman!" which makes me laugh, particularly at the thought of Kayla as a "big woman." Aww...she's made Evan cry with her praise! That was surprisingly coherent for Debbie...she's usually like a stoned Lil C.
Poof! Right away we go to a solo, this one from Brandon. I don't like his clothes...he's in a t-shirt and khakis and looks sloppy. The dancing has many bends and turns and I suppose is good...and I like the acoustic version of "In Your Eyes" he's chosen to dance to.
Next couple: Janette and Ade. I think they could be a good match. But apparently it's another tall-short issue, because Ade is quite tall and Janette is wee. It's not as big a deal when the girl is little, I guess. Ade is still sporting his pick--this one is gold plated? I don't think I can sign off on the pick. Ugh, they have a NappyTabs hip hop, about Ade's Dr. Funk who gives funk to Janette. I don't think of NappyTabs as particularly funky to begin with, so I remain unconvinced. OK, this is hilarious--Dr. Funk's magical talisman is his hair pick. Well played, show. Ha! This is actually pretty fun, and particularly good for these choreographers. I'm distracted by one of Ade's suspenders, which has come off and is flapping around, but he doesn't bat an eye (and luckily, doesn't lose an eye, though it was close). Ugh, Nigel has stuck pens in his hair for a "pick" of his own. Shut up, Nigel. I'm going to skip him, but suffice it to say he liked it. After a dramatic pause, Mary screams "That was funky!" She liked them both. Debbie's brain has exploded in some sort of Harlem church lady extravaganza, which is charming but unspecific. She liked them too.
And poof! Randi's solo. They seem to be running over with the commentary so that all the transitions into the solos feel rushed. Randi's in a silky blue nightie-thing (so, traditional contemporary costume) and does contemporary flaily things around the stage. Eh. Don't get it. She's sweet, but I don't see it.
Ooh, coming up next is a routine choreographed by the magnificent Travis, from season...2? I was unspoiled for the show, but I will say that the one comment I heard even in my television-less state at RWA, was that Travis's routine blew the doors off the place. Can't wait!
But first, it's Kupono's solo. I still like his goofy angular self, I can't help it. And his dance to "Bonde Do Role" is bouncy and fun (although not looking so complicated, it must be said). No, he's probably not close to the best dancers on this show, but he's compelling to watch. (He's no Mark, though...I miss Mark.)
Who's up next? Jeanine and Jason. I wondered if she'd get Brandon, because the producers wanted to give her a boost after sticking her with Philip for so many weeks...she and Jason seem happy about it, but I remain unimpressed by him. (And speaking of unimpressed, what's with the handwritten partner cards? They didn't have a laser printer in the building somewhere? V. cheap, show.) They're a lucky pair to get Travis--the dance is about longtime friends who are on the verge of hooking up. Er, is this a purity dance? Jason ends with "I hope that people can finally see why me [sic] and Jeanine are here." Ooh, was that a little dig at Caitlin and Philip? Watch it, Jason. The dance begins to a Jason Mraz song, which concerns me, but it works--the pair passes a heart-shaped locket back and forth to symbolize his love for her. She denies it at first, but comes around. I will say there are a couple of amazing lift/hold/turns--one where he goes racing toward her and she clotheslines him, and another where he does that bend-her-backward hold-her-up-by-her-neck move, but then rests her on his calf! OK, I still think Jason looks like a 12-year-old, but it was a lovely dance, and Jeanine deserved a break. Nigel loves it. Mary feigns speechlessness, and Nigel asks for the same routine every week to shut her up. At this she finds her voice. She loves it too. I fast-forwarded through the endless commentary, but I will say that Mary doing her "hot tamale train" spaz in FF is hilarious. Over to Debbie Allen, who says, "You maggots can't dance for crap." No! Of course she doesn't. Haven't you been watching? She loves it too.
Fox, I do not care how many times you show me "More to Love" ads and talk about "reality sizing." I am not watching that crappy show. Next up, Fox's "Pity F***."
And we're back! With Melissa's solo, a sort of ballet/contemporary fusion piece. I'm not sure it's showing either to particularly good advantage, although I liked seeing her point work. At least they didn't interrupt to point out her grizzled and advanced age.
And now Evan is doing his own solo, classic Gene Kelly styling to "Zing! Went the Strings of my Heart." He acts the hell out of his 30 seconds, but his dancing is just so old fashioned that I don't think he's much longer for the show.
Kayla's solo now? What's up with this new clumping? Kayla does more contemporary bending-flailing-rolling to a song whose only lyric is "All I want is to rock your soul." That made it hard for me to take her seriously.
OK, can we get another couple up in here? Randi and Kupono, come on down! I think the two of them will love hanging together because they're goofballs, but I don't see their styles meshing. Ooh, they're doing paso doble! I like this dance, and I think Kupono could own it if he taps into that saturnine presence he displayed in Mia's piece last week. Rehearsals were apparently a mess, so I assume the dance will be awesome. Er, for starters, Randi's wearing a long brown wig, and they're dancing to "Dies Irae," which sounds a lot like the Carmina Burana from last time. I don't think this is a good choice for paso doble. In fact, I've just watched half the dance without really watching any dance. I think this was a terrible musical choice, and it's hurting them. Also, it appears that either Kupono can't lift Randi, or she can't figure out how to get into the lifts, because they all look awkward. Damn, I didn't like that. Nigel doubts that the dancing was as good as the choreography. He doesn't feel that Kupono was strong enough, and he didn't like Randi's wig. Didn't work for him. Cat tries to soften the blow a little by pointing out, in her segue to Mary, that it's a new couple, but Mary's not biting. It's the same for everyone, Mary responds--and she disliked the same things that Nigel did. The whole thing was too cautious and not credible. Debbie lays her soothing balm on the couple, although she didn't care for it either, but acknowledges that the couple didn't seem to trust each other.
And shazam! Let's not dwell on this depressing section, because it's time for Ade! Shirtless Ade! Pickless Ade! He's dancing to Unchained Melody and does some interesting leaping and spinning before ending with an astounding backflip that has to go twelve feet in the air. I do believe he will be safe for another week.
For every wretched "More to Love" ad that infuriates me, there is a "Glee" ad to restore my equilibrium. Oh, Glee, come back to me! I'm sorry I said all that stuff about your promo campaign!
We have a couple of solos left...this time, it's Jeanine and Jason. She's doing a sort of contempo-tango thing? To a song I think we've heard on the show before. She's wearing a very Gaultier sort of leotard, all straps and slashes. I guess it's good--I never know what to say.
And here's Jason dancing to Muddy Waters, which speaks to depths I didn't think Jason had. But I don't think it's great for a solo, because it left the audience a bit flat, and his leaping and capering didn't seem to fit the blues.
OK, we're down to our last couple, yes? So it must be Brandon and Melissa? They'll be doing a Broadway routine. Ooh, that doesn't seem to suit either of them...ugh, and it's Tyce. Oh, but he's doing an existing piece, which might be OK--it's "Hair," which definitely suits Melissa. I have to issue some demerits, though, because Melissa doesn't seem to be familiar with Hair. They're dancing to "Aquarius" (of course), and they're flower-child-ed up the wazoo. I think their synch could be a little better, but their twisty holds are cool. It would also help if the music wasn't chopped into tiny bits. Harrumph. You know, it was OK, but I didn't feel like it had a beginning middle and end. And the smoke machine at the end was overloaded and obscured them. Cat is charmingly pretending to be stoned. Nigel is giving us a lecture on "Hair"'s role in history, which I won't insult you all by repeating. But he liked them. Mary loved it, called it "unbelievable," which I think is frankly a little strong. It was decent. Debbie loved the mood they set and found it joyful and seamless.
We have one last solo: Janette! Salsa us up, baby! Fun, she's dancing to "This is Miami," which is a nice little wink. I enjoy seeing her solo, because we really haven't gotten to see her salsa much. If we could only get her to cut her hair...
And now there's just the boys' group dance left to go. What'll it be? Ooh, African dance! That should be cool, although I'm not sure how Evan's going to fit in. He acknowledges the awkwardness, but in rehearsal he seems to be fitting in OK. Or rather, everyone was equally awkward. Nice chest bump from Evan and Jason(?) in the opening. But oof, he's white. Should have spray-tanned him a little so he wouldn't glow under the lights. This isn't as great as the Bollywood, and for some reason, the lights are so low it's a little hard to see. Some of the slenderer guys don't seem to have enough power...it's too tippytoed for my taste. Sorry, boys, the Bollywood Bombshells blew you off the stage tonight.
But hey, it doesn't count! So it's all up to you, America! See you tomorrow!
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